Is it wrong for two Christians, male and female, to kiss (instead of making love) before marriage to satisfy their emotional needs?

April 14th 2015 | 40008 views 

There is no specific answer in the Bible on this subject except that the Bible clearly states that sex is for marriage. One important reason is that sex can produce children, who deserve to be conceived in the embrace of marriage. Additionally, science has now found that the act of sexual intimacy (making love) creates a powerful physical bond between the couple. There is no such thing as “casual” sex. Sex changes the hormones within both people to cement their loving relationship. 

As Jesus said, “The two shall become one flesh" Matthew 19:5,6. So, no sex before marriage. But what about kissing, hugging, holding hands or any physical touching? The Bible has no specific verses about kissing or any other signs of affection between a dating couple because “dating” like we do today probably did not exist in biblical times.

The purpose of kissing is to show romantic affection. However, there is a danger when relating to a woman sexually, as it could lead to a driving physical lust. Matthew 5:28, "But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart."

It is always advisable to ask God for wisdom and strength to withstand the temptation and help avoid questionable circumstances. James 1:5, "If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you."

Realize that every affectionate interaction has the potential to lead to negative consequences. Make sure that your intentions are honorable and in accordance with God’s guidelines regarding the prospect of marriage. Avoid situations such as Samson had with his choices of women. Remember the headaches Solomon encountered in his promiscuous relationships that took him away from God.

God gives us minds to use our own wisdom and judgment. He teaches us general principles of life through His Word, the Bible. Each circumstance is different, and each one should be led by his/her convictions on this subject. If you feel it’s okay to kiss in your relationship, do it cautiously. If you feel convicted, you probably should refrain.

"So whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God" - 1 Corinthians 10:31 (NLT). If kissing bothers your conscience, and you cannot kiss 
“to the glory of God,” do not kiss. We never want to sin against our conscience.

Nevertheless, set the bar high and you will be rewarded. If you lower the standard, you will be tempted to do it again and again and might miss the mark of God’s excellence. 

Additional Resource:
Christian Questions Podcast
Episode #1241: “Is It a Sin if I …? (Part II)”
Discussing sex and sin-related questions using biblical principles
Preview Video
CQ Rewind Show Notes

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